Al Gore Spreading Global Warming
Firstly, animals are smelly. Did you know that a single cow produces more natural pollution in a day than England during the entire Industrial Revolution? That’s not even to mention how all the CO2 they’re pumping into the air by just breathing.
“Eric,” you are more than likely to interject, “are you recommending the wholesale slaughter of the bovine race?”
Fear not dear reader, I do not come to bury cows but to praise them. However, I plan on making those deadbeat cows start carrying their own weight (with the price of ground beef around $2.00/lb. is quite a bit of weight) and do something for the environment. Perhaps, dear reader, you remember a little fad out of the 1980s – the Chia Pet. I propose that we begin growing Carbon Dioxide fighting plants on all of our oxygen consuming friends. Whoever thought that owning a pet could be a staple of going green?
Secondly, if you really want to help save the world, you’ll be sure to drink lots of wine. Now, I am not encouraging wantonness, but there are some distinct advantages to drinking wine. If we all could commit ourselves to drinking more wine, there would be more standing vineyards which have vines year-round selflessly converting dangerous climate changing chemicals into safe air and delicious ambrosia.
Wine also is full of healthy anti-oxidants that will prolong our lives. If we live longer, we’ll want to preserve our planet – as we don’t seem to care about leaving it to our children in a crappy condition, but we do want it to be nice while we’re here. We are intimately wedded to the planet, and if it dies so do we. What a downer.
A toast to love, music, wine, and revolution
Lastly, let’s not be pretentious…
“I don’t believe the words coming out of your finger tips!”
Dear reader, please! It is not a requirement that I always carry my nose slightly tilted up into the air. Anyways, I do not think that we need to hold to using cork to stop wine bottles. Must we continue to fell the mighty cork tree to make us better dancers? No! Plus I’ve had one too many bottles of wine corked by nefarious bacteria. Can’t we agree to twist the tops off of our wine? Perhaps we could even drink a glass or two from a box every now and then… but I won’t push revolution too heavily.
So dear reader, now that I’ve shown you two simple ways to fight global warming, we can uninvent Al Gore’s most recent contribution to the world.
“Thanks Eric, now I know.”
And knowing is half the battle.
3 comments:
exactly what we all need for the holidays: another reason to drink. thanks again for imparting your wisdom, its a privelege and honor to be on the recieving end..
Is that picture in my kitchen in Granite Bay? I recognize those drapes.
I suppose those cheers are also to H. Stocking and S. Stevens
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