Rockus Caucus

The other day I was enjoying the blogging of an esteemed colleague, and he noted a trip through JFK airport; however, in keeping with the stylistic choices of his blog, everything is written in lower case. Now, competent individuals could have easily deduced that “jfk” meant “JFK,” but as you may have guessed, dear reader, I am not the brightest spool of yarn in the batch. I took “jfk” to be some new dirty internet lingo – you know, if you didn’t want someone to think that you were merely kidding. No! Let’s add some flipping emphasis here!

Needless to say, I’ve been thinking a good deal about the presidency as of late. Actually, this came up while sharing the exact same thought above with two dear friends of mine:

The Most-Married Ryan Burnham

The Most-Engaged Adam Rechenmacher

Amidst my witty remarks the conversation somehow turned to the then-up-coming-but-now-past Iowa Caucus. One of the two them remarked that they didn’t think it was fair that Iowa got to have a caucus but we didn’t. Some first class grumbling of approval followed. Eventually Adam came up with the last great idea of 2007: A Rockus Caucus.

Granted, when Adam said this it was really nothing more than a silly phrase, but I have decided that we must indeed throw a California Rockus Caucus!

“Okay, Eric,” you’ve been pretty good so far, dear reader, but I imagined you’d poke your nose in here somewhere, “you apparently enjoy using the phrase ‘Rockus Caucus’ quite a bit, but what exactly does it entail?”

I’m glad you asked, my dear reader. A Rockus Caucus is not about candidates telling us what we want to hear, but rather showing us what we (namely I) want to see: partying. Sure, maybe some curmudgeonly old fart has a plan to end national debt, but if that person (be them man or woman) can’t shake it on the dance floor, then you can best bet that I’ll print and sport a t-shirt with their likeness and reading “Not My President”.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. A Rockus Caucus would consist of three categories of measurement:

Category the first) how much liquor does it take for a candidate to party. Now, I would personally think higher of a president who required less. I know that I can dance pretty hard without a drop, and why would I want to vote someone my inferior to one of the most powerful positions in the world?

Category the second) how good are they at dancing? Granted, we all have different interpretations of dancing, but I would fight to keep all bumping and/or grinding out of a presidential race. After all, a president good on their feet means a president good in foreign policy… it’s a direct correlation.


Lastly, category the third) how good is the candidate at getting other people to party too? Just about anyone can have fun dancing if they’ll just let themselves, but in order to make for a truly good party, other people need to get pulled in. Isn’t inclusively what America is supposed to be all about? Let’s get the whole party going, not just one dance!

There you have it my friends, I lay the invitation to all candidates of all parties. Do you want California’s endorsement to the highest office of the land? Meet me in Santa Cruz on January 26 and we will party to the presidency!