20 August, 2008


Dear reader, the summer is over! It has been so long since I last graced your life with a witty, albeit poignant post on pedestrians or port holes. I hope you are not too testy because of my absence, but I won't place a wager on it.

"You're lucky I don't poop on you," you coyly coo -- or at least so I imagine you spoke thus.

I know that the world missed me, for two days ago I finally made it as a blogger.

"Someone finally payed you for a blog entry?" you incredulously ask.

Oh, well I suppose that would mean I've made it as well; however, this may be even better; I have exposure!

Two days ago, whilst adventuring with my friend Brandon, I borrowed the Apple Store's interweb to check my email and noticed a strange name in my inbox. I was about ready to delete it, as I'm sick of random people questioning my manhood; however, I then noticed it was a reply to an Oolong Fancy article I wrote back in November. While I did not recognize the moniker "Any middle-aged German Witch in Amerika," I was not concerned, for in the past I received a comment from a stranger on my entry about Otter Pops (those corroders of moral and molar hygiene).

Happily my blogs show up relatively early on some Google searches (especially under images) and I am the first entry if you search for "Rockus Caucus." What fun! So naturally, I was not surprised that this middle-aged German witch found my blog whilst searching for Hannes Wader (German, folk singer). However, also naturally, I was surprised by the content of her reply!

Back in November I penned an entry about international Emoism -- truly it was a successful entry, garnering four heart-felt comments from my friends. While this German witch from Amerika did respond in a heart-felt manner, it was a heart I did not particularly want to feel. Her comment is posted in its entirety below:

~~~ Hello, I was googling Hannes Wader, and so I was led to your site, since you mentioned his name.

I am German, and I cannot keep myself from commenting. You must be at least 25 years younger than me, since I have a hard time understanding what your entry was really about.

But I was annoyed that you used my native language in such an unqualified way. Please learn the german language before writing such a nonsense. 

"Kindern" => Kinder is already the plural form of singular Kind, while Kindern is the dativ case!

And worse, "weisst nicht, wie gut ich Dir bin" does NOT mean, "how good I have been to you". My toenails are rolling up when I read that...

And yes, we Germans have emotions, what a surprise! ~~~

What brought about this animosity? Clearly she misread me.(!!!)

"So why are you so happy about all this?" you query.

My poor, dear reader -- don't you see? I've received my first hate mail! How else can you tell you've made it in the blogging community other than having people verbal about how much they hate you! This is like my first successful single or piece of pop-art placed on a greeting card! I'm in!

So if you'll excuse me, I've got some more people to irk off.