20 September, 2008

On a Very Special Oolong Fancies

Dear readers, it is time for a shameful confession to you all: I am leading a double life.

Perhaps some of you are aware that I’ve led a monogamous relationship with my bicycle, Her Majesty the Cannondale for nearly three years now. I’ve always prided myself on how good of a bike she is. Sure, it’s a big investment to have a bicycle, but I figure it’s a better use of money than having a girlfriend – but I digress.

Her Majesty has stood by me through the best and worst of rides. She was an excellent companion on a majestic ride along the Monterey coast last autumn when I wanted to go along the 17 Mile Drive, and she stood by me after a car hit us. Yes, she has been a lovely bike… And I left her behind to go a chase a crazy dream out East.

Where am I going with this and why am I telling it to you? Yesterday I had a brief run-in with the law that has convinced me to come clean about a few things – firstly said run-in:

On an excruciatingly long trip to a vegetarian restaurant my RA wanted to go to, we gave a little love tap to the car in front of us. We were going all of two miles per hour, but we knew we had to pull over to access the situation; however, the people we hit didn’t seem to be aware of such things, but rather turned on their hazards and fully intended on sitting in the middle of a four lane freeway during Jersey rush-hour traffic… I am no expert, but I think that’s how you get yourself shot.

Several minutes of cars honking at us later, we both arrived at the shoulder. In my experience it is common for people to get out of their car and access damage, exchange information, be on their separate ways, but once again I was operating under different paradigms than the car ahead of us. Our driver did look at our vehicles and noted that no damage was done, not even to the paint, and so he patiently awaited this driver to get out of their car… for twenty minutes. Eventually I was elected to go and make contact as our least threatening member. Not wanting to get maced, I approached the car as contritely as possible. “Are you two alright?” I asked, only receiving an indifferent nod in reply. I slouched back to our car. Twenty minutes pass. I go again to see what they’d like us to do. “We’re waiting for the police,” the passenger informs me. I slouch back again. Twenty more minutes pass. The police officer is friendly albeit perplexed at his call, since no damage has been done. We leave and eventually dine upon mock-meat products.

All of this to say, I’ve realized that I need to come clean! I am leading a double life! Whilst living in this place:

My room

Bryan, my suitemate

My campus

I have fallen into a new bicycle relationship with this beauty:

Her name is Yoshimi, and while she is a little older than Her Majesty, I’ve enjoyed her company a great deal.

Some of my friends here have rationalized this new relationship as my being in a ‘different zip code,’ but I can’t get over my need to share this double life with you…

…Or at least my desire to show you some sweet pictures of where I live.

08 September, 2008

Flight to the Future

I am somewhere over the middle of America, roughly heading north and/or east. I had no idea America was so flat – at least not in a non-academic sense. Yes, dear reader, this entry is what you think it is: I am moving back east. However, unlike my ancestors whose work I am reversing, I am traveling by sub-sonic jet travel (which is not to say my ancestors came via super-sonic jets).

“Eric,” you’ll no doubt question, “why exactly are you flying east? And isn’t this flirting a bit with diary?”

Well, my dear reader, perhaps you’ll remember that a number of months ago I defiantly waded through the mire of seminary applications and eventually came to be accepted by Princeton Theological.

“Isn’t that the only application you successfully completed?” you most rudely interject!

Yes, it is true that in the end I only submitted one application; however, you must understand that application fees are quite steep these days, my pugnacious reader. The key point here, if I may finally state it, is that I am in the air heading to Princeton (via San Jose via Phoenix via Pittsburgh via Newark).

This morning began at 4:30 amidst the obnoxious vibrations of my phone atop my sister’s coffee table. After quickly taking a shower and loading my luggage into my sister’s car (with comparable speed), Cari whisked the two us off to San Jose’s airport where I was gouged for stowing luggage and then herded through security to my plane. Though my flight was clearly scheduled for 6:15, apparently SJC doesn’t allow planes that size (whatever size that may be) to depart until 6:30. Lame. I suppose the only part of today that has gone off exceptionally smoothly was my stay in Phoenix (assuming my luggage actually transferred), which only lasted for about thirty minutes.

This would be a fair time to note that the magnanimous Brandon K. Baker hails from Phoenix (or at least close enough). He is worthy of mention for multiple reasons: he was a fellow intern, is a fellow blogger, adventurer, and seminarian. I hope this is enough to pardon him of his intellectual inbreeding.

Needless to say, this has been quite a long day, but most experiments with time travel are. Yes, dear reader, the true purpose of this entry has not been to tell you about my journeys, but rather to unveil this next stage of my life as a time traveler.

“You’ve made some big claims before,” you will doubtlessly say – and I’d probably agree, “but this takes the cake! We could sort of stomach your claims about the Fountain of Youth because of your demythologizing it. We rolled our eyes at your tales about vampire, spiders, and prehistoric bird monsters, as we assumed mental-derangement. We even put up with your Santa bashing, but this is madness!”

Perhaps I am mad, but I assure you that I join the ranks of HG Wells, Doc Brown and Marty McFly, Donnie Darko, Dr. Samuel Becket, and the Terminator robot. For all of you remaining on the west coast, I will be experiencing time three hours ahead of you. Just think of all the scientific advancements I’ll be able to report back to you all! Perhaps we’ll have a viable green fuel source or flying cars or genetically-altered, pigmy elephants or maybe even a way of heating up bath towels for post-shower use! And guess what, I’ll be at the forefront of all these developments. If you’d like to look a couple of hours into your future, tune in here! I’ll do what I can to be a seer, omen, fortuneteller, or whatever you’d like to call it.

I’d keep writing, but I’m afraid I must get back to the future.